so that wasnt chicken after all
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
