my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
