How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
