I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Hippo gnu deer
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I came so hard my ears popped.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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