just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
