That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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