just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
