the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
