Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
