I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
