He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
