Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
