I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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