Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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