i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
