At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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