the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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