I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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