dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
