I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
