Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
