I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
