but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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