Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
ttyl tear gas
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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