I can't watch pbs sober anymore
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
