At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
