I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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