4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
