in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
