Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
