True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
