if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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