We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm always down for nudity.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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