my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
