I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
