Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
It's Friday. Sex?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
