Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
