i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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