so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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