you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize
