I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
