Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
