i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
