bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
