My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
i out mim tonsoeep
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
