in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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