The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
