Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
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