I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
