Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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