my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
