shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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